If you ask me if I’ve ever been in love, yes…I have. Whether I think I might have been or am right now, I never really thought there was a right or wrong to it. It’s different… because many summers ago I once loved someone different than the one I’m with now. Just because I don’t love that person now doesn’t mean that I can never love again. Maybe never love the same way.. But love? Yes, it’s possible to be completely broken and then build yourself up again only to find that you’ve found someone else who has the power to make you vulnerable again, and possibly break you…again. Horrible isn’t it?
This is bliss
When you close your eyes but still can see her silhouette. When two people are miles away but can taste the scent of their lips like they never left each others side. When you hear a song and instantly think of her. Holding hands with no in between gaps. Late night conversations on the beach not caring how freezing it is. Watching her walk barefoot for the first time and thinking she’s liberated. Study sessions as excuses just to see each other. The moment you realize after you’ve kissed her that she’s the only person you want to kiss. The rush coming over you as she approaches you. Falling in love. The first time you argue with her, screaming at the top of each others lungs and all you want to do is kiss her in that moment. Getting goosebumps hearing her say “I love you” for the first time. Laying next to her while she sleeps and you see the slight rising and falling of her chest. And as she whispers in your ear, “I’ll never leave”, you dare to say the same not even thinking twice.
About a week ago I got a letter from my HR recruiter telling me there was a job opening for me and wanted to consider me for the school,…however its in Korea. In August there will be another interview I have to go for, but its for Japan. Although I have a happy, comfortable life here in Cali, something is telling me I should just go and do it. The only thing that is discouraging me is how much of a pain in the ass it is to get all these documents signed, passport/visa approved, FBI background checked, and medical examinations checked, not to ,mention the dollars it’s going to cost. There are other factors too, like the years of friendships I’ve built over the last decade living here in Cali…I just feel like I’m throwing everything away, again. Sometimes I feel like I was never fit to be with someone..always on my own again. Sometimes I question my strength and braveness…if I’m really made up for it. To really be on my own and not know a single damn person around me. I don’t know… My head really hurts and it’s Sunday where I’m supposed to relax and be stress free..but it’s not that kind of Sunday today..